Sunday, 23 November 2014

500 Days of Winter

It was 1 o'clock in the morning and I could not sleep.  I stood up from my chair and sashayed closer to the window, staring at the limitless skies hiding behind the mountain. The outside was dark and quiet, there was not a single car passing by the road. I sipped my hot chocolate. It definitely made me felt warmer, since the heater in my house was broken. I touched the window glass with my right hand. "Definitely cold", I said to myself out loud.

I did not know if it was officially winter or not here in Colorado, but it recently snowed for two days. The cold was beyond expectation... It was below freezing point, almost -20 degrees. In fact, I could still see my breath in the midst of bright sun.  Also, the night gets longer and the day becomes shorter. Not sure if this is a good thing or not. However, I find myself feeling a bit unproductive as the day gets darker. It is probably this psychological thought I have in my mind that night means it is time to sleep

I love winter, I very much do. There is nothing happier to me than looking at the mountain when it is covered with snow. However, the transition from fall season to winter season always worries me because I tend to fall ill very quickly. Headache, nose bleed, neck pain, upset stomach, fever, flu, cough... You name it. Among all, coughing is, figuratively speaking, my best friend. I got to know that I have tonsillitis (generally means 'inflammation of the tonsils') since I was born and it has been haunting me forever. One wrong intake of food or drink and I am sick for a week. My chest feels really hot and like it is about to explode whenever I cough. This is why I hate coughing in public - I hate how I have to cover up my cough so people will not think that I am seriously sick. Alhamdulillah, I am healing and getting back in shape now.

So far school is good. Classes are fine. I skipped classes several times for the past two weeks because I was sick. Also, got back the grades for my mid-semester exam and they were... bad. I don't know if I am supposed to blame my health for it but I am surely sad and frustrated. This semester definitely does not go so well for me which is totally unexpected. It makes me think about what had I done differently this semester compared to those previous semesters? I talked to my mother the other day regarding this and I eventually figured out the answer... I believe that I have totally distanced myself from God, in many things that I do. Which I should have never done. I am no pious but I think God has His way of telling me "That, which you do, is wrong".

Sometimes I feel demotivated. Sometimes I stare out the window, into the mountains and wonder, "What am I doing with my life? Am I happy?". When I am all by myself, I question every little decision that I have made over the years. To think of it, I am pretty much grateful with everything that has happened to me. The good things that have occurred brighten up my days. The bad things, on the other hand, thought me to be strong and independent. Am I insecure of myself? Yes, I am insecure of myself. Well, a little bit to say the least. Humans do have that side of them. The real question is whether you treat your insecurity as a big of a deal or you shrug it off your shoulder and ignore it. Probably need to read a motivational book about being happy. Being content with what you have in your life. Right on, I will add that to my to-do list.

The start of winter season also marks the final days of this semester. I am really excited for my winter trip although I will be going to the same places again. Same places, different people. I look forward to the adventures I am about to be a part of. If I live long enough and if good things happen, you will read about it on my next post...

All in all, I look forward to my XXX days of winter. Cannot exactly say 500, because I am not living in the North Pole apparently. These days are gonna be cold, windy and snowy but I hope that the things that I want to cherish forever will happen in these XXX days. We'll see.